Devil´s Advocate

I love my dad, but sometimes I get frustrated at him. He has a heart of gold, his actions have always been loving, unselfish, generous. We never lacked anything, he took great care of us, and he was always willing to go that extra mile. However, his manner of speaking is such that his actions are overshadowed by his harsh words.

Every conversation becomes an argument where he holds the beacon of truth and goodness and I´m wrong and need to see the light. We could be discussing ANY topic, no matter how bland, and he´ll find a way to make it a debate where he´ll take the opposing view. I guess he believes that a good conversation is one that gets the blood rolling. I like passionate conversations, but I don´t confuse passion with having my blood boil and feel parts of my liver corroding off.

If I mention I´m writing an article, he´ll immediately say that I shouldn´t be writing about THAT subject. Why don´t I write about this other thing instead? I´ll try to explain that I don´t have much choice, I´m writing an assignment, I need to stick to some rules. He´ll basically poo-poo my rules and suggest I do something completely different, and then go on and on and on and on about HIS idea.

I´ll try to make small talk, and say that the flowers on the table are nice, and he´ll counter that saying they were expensive and then heatedly argue how it is a horrible abuse good people go through now that "they" have decided that the good flowers are all to be exported and we only get the crappy ones.

I´ll mention I´m happy with my new gadget, and he´ll say that it´ll get stolen. I´ll ignore that and then excitedly mention that I can see videos on the screen and he says it´s too small.

He´s constantly triggering me into feeling defensive. I´ve tried different techniques, but I get to a point where I can´t take it any more. I´ve tried ignoring his snarky comments and marshalling on, not taking offense but he´ll try to pick at other angles. I can try to steer the subject to another topic, but the story repeats itself. Eventually he brings down every opinion I have. I´ve even tried just letting him feel like he "won", but that is not satisfactory for him. He needs the discussion, he needs the steam, the action so to speak, and I´m just not into that. I hate confrontation. Especially when it is completely unnecesary.

I remind myself constantly that he´s a good person. That it is just the way he is, and it´s unlikely he´ll change, even when my mom has mentioned it, when strangers have also acknowledged it, and when it´s a common known fact among my siblings and myself, he isn´t aware that he does it.

I know that I´m the one who´s supposed to be patient and understanding. I just hope I am strong enough for it. Every single day.